I won the lottery! £3 on a scratch card that the Apprentice used to buy deodorant. Well, he had bought me the scratch card. Just as well it wasn't £3 million really.
I want to look brown and healthy but my tan is fast fading and I am fat. I did also have a grey streak down the middle of my head but the hairdressers dealt with that, at vast expense. I don't know why I try to be all these things I'm not. Let's face it I am fat, I am grey and I have hairy legs. As I paint my nails and think pretty thoughts all I am doing is buying into the billion pound beauty industry and it's all rubbish. I will now smear unctions various over my fat thighs and legs so I can be soft and lovely ... for Mr Smith(?) The dog would take more notice. Well, to be fair I am taking the dog with me to the seaside for a few days without Mr Smith. The Apprentice is going to France and I am dropping him off at Portsmouth then collecting him on Sunday morning so a quiet couple of days with my dog at the sea will do me good.
Having said quiet ... somehow it rarely is.
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