This morning I went to the hospital for a blood test. It was quick and didn't hurt a bit. I had eaten nothing since 6pm yesterday, as instructed, and found myself so ravenously hungry I was salivating at the sharps box of used syringes. I got home and had serious porridge - divine. However, on fourth mouthful the Apprentice's log cabin kit arrived on an enormous lorry so I had to move my car and wave goodbye to my oats. We then spent the rest of the morning and some of the afternoon unloading the shed which came in 1,350 heavy pieces and took three and a half hours to move from lorry to lawn ... and it rained. I may never walk again. "I could have done it without you, honestly, Mum." and I could kill you honestly, son.
We now have to assemble this bloody Wendy House using a stupidly small booklet of scanty instructions along with a download on Youtube of a couple of blokes erecting the thing in 5 minutes and making it look suspiciously easy. It's not what I'd call a log cabin as it isn't made of logs. It's made of chunky, very heavy bits of wood that, if you get it right, slot together. I have discovered you have to paint these before assembly as it's going up against the back fence and you wouldn't be able to get to it afterwards. Where's the paint? They didn't send it. I would not have liked the be the young man who I spoke to/ranted at on the telephone. But I did have a point. We can't start assembling until we've painted it. In the end he agreed to courier the paint. Then it rained. I can't paint in the rain. I went shopping.
I bought a beautiful pale beige jersey with little pearl buttons from Benetton. Mr Smith warned me not to spill bolognese sauce on it at dinner. Oh! It doesn't really fit me anyway, but it will when I'm thinner despite the little orange blobs.
Gosh, I ache. All that unloading. "I told you to get a man in" says Mr Smith. Who, an osteopath?
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