Tomorrow is the final of the East Wittering moustache growing contest. Sadly, I cannot be there as I have a dog and a husband and two sons, all busily ignoring me whilst I make their dinner, so I am at home. I have sponsored the moustaches of Adam the printer, Al the fish and Mark the Gay who is coming as Freddie Mercury though he needs some major miracle to occur overnight if he thinks he can turn that wispy little thing under his nose into a proper tash by Saturday night.
Apparently, a new law has been introduced to keep down the speed of commercial vehicles. If a van exceeds 60mph the driver will be done. Hairy Bill says if his clapped out old van exceeds 60mph he'll do himself.
I saw my friend who is no longer my friend and nearly made it up with him ... but not quite yet. I have removed the spell of warts and very hard poo I had cast upon him but I still gave him something in his tea that will make him very hairy. I suppose he could always enter the moustache competition.
Did you see Embarrassing Bodies last night? Nor did I as I was hiding behind the sofa. Mr Smith did seem strangely interested in that black lady's enormous booswams so I changed channel.
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