I seem to spend much time and money trying to look younger - hair colour, botox, diet, exercise and lotions etc. Evidently it all seems to work as I find myself being chatted up by younger and younger men. Whilst it's nice to be fancied by the whole wide world, actually, it isn't and I now feel a yearning to look my 51, nearly 52, years and let my face be haggard again and maybe even have grey hair - no I couldn't do that. Mr Smith deserves a lovely wife who deep down is a frightful old bat.
At the seaside I had the whacko wheeze idea of introducing everyone to my 24 year old son - but half the idiot men thought he was my husband or toy boy or I'd had him at 13. Actually, people only judge your age by their age and women are far more accurate in their assessments. Men never want to make you older than 36 for either offending you or putting you off shagging them. Are they desperate? Do I just look available? And how does one deal with it? Of course you want people to think you are attractive but why? I can assure you it's acutely embarrassing when they tell you or leer at you or not let you speak to their husband.
Flattery from men gives me a big boost then it makes me squirm and I start questioning why anyone would say these things to me and it makes me feel embarrassed. I always start with "I am married" before "Don't be stupid" then "Fuck off" if "Go Away" doesn't do the trick. You can't rely on your friends to help you out because they find it a great spectator sport especially the more ghastly the individual. They probably know I can be suitably horrible should I need to be but aren't adverse to jeering "Whoa ho, look who she's pulled."
Of course none of this is going to last much longer so maybe I should make hay while the sun still shines and bask in the flirting of young men and feel radiantly youthful if a bit of a scrubber. After all, my lovely Mr Smith will always be waiting for me "Where's my tea, woman, you're late."
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