April showers, where?

I thought it might rain what with it being April but I was mistaken. We've had no rain for weeks, which was rather handy for us building our shed. I don't understand this weather, do you? One moment it's mid summer then it goes all wintry again and there you are in your bikini freezing your tits off. I planted all my sweet peas under their perfectly formed cane trellis. (Well, not that perfectly formed actually; it looks like a messy load of sticks in the ground rather than neatly criss crossed bamboo canes.) - Grow grow. Then I put together the new garden furniture which was very tricky as Mr Smith had managed to purchase some cheap horrible flat pack effort, supposedly designed to seat six people with no elba room, and the screw holes all in the wrong places. I was suspicious when I saw an Argos delivery lorry pull up - I thought he said it was from Home & Garden. Maybe it was Homebase, who are now owned by Argos, and I wasn't listening. The Apprentice and my drill (not his although he likes to think it is) were called for. We cobbled together a table and some chairs and sat outside for a bit admiring our assembly skills and now I am cold to my bones.

The ironing beckons. Gosh, nobody's life can be this exciting. I have to drive Mr Smith to Surrey to collect his mended car. I have to remember to put drops on the dog's nose. It's gone all bald to match his stupid tail. Since using the drops it has got considerably worse. Do we persist or go back to the vet and pay another £35? Mr Smith suggests shooting the dog. The dog is hiding.

I was going to spend the afternoon gardening. I am trying to make my vegetable garden resemble the plan I carefully mapped out rather than a big pile of earth. However, Love Film have just sent my latest request. Mmmm what shall I do? Shame it's not raining.