Secret stitches

I have come across several "How to Make a Quilt in a Weekend" articles.  Firstly, kill your family then eat no food and do not move from your sewing machine, even to go to the loo, for two days.  What they should say is How to Make a Quilt Surreptitiously without Your Husband Noticing.  I am working on this.  Mr Smith has given me a very bright yellow pair of golfing trousers to alter.  I am really sewing the edges of my latest quilt but whenever he appears I pick up Banana Man's yellow trousers and make it look as though it's an absolute bugger of a job.  He then leaves me alone.  This can also be adopted for things like making a lavish cake when it's nobody's birthday.  Just have a stew on the go at the same time.

I have developed a terrible pain in my thumb.  I know what it's from; it's knitting strain.  I looked it up on line and read about carpel tunnel syndrome which apparently affects menopausal women who are overweight and like a drink and type.  Mmmm, doesn't sound a bit like me.  I'll give my knitting a miss for a bit.  The pattern I am working on is in a very hard aran and it's big and hefty with loads of stitches.  No wonder I have thumb strain.

Oh no, now I've done his trousers wrong.  Oh well, at least I haven't actually cut anything.  I have two pairs of my own trousers to put up but when I tried them on for length ... um er there seemed to be something wrong with the middle section ... it didn't meet.  Oh dietus maximus I hear you calling.  I hate diets.  I am always hungry and I do like cakes.  Do I have to go on a diet?  Oh no, I can just die.  Oh well, put like that I had better get out the scales and celery.

Dilemmas du jour:  What is Shabby Chic - Granny's curtains?
The only way isn't really Essex is it?  Unless you're visiting Suffolk.
What do you buy a bolshy spoilt brat for it's birthday?  The Best Boy will be 22 at the weekend.